"Here was a life"

I have been trying to do some major cleaning recently, prompted -- to my dismay -- by a recent sighting of bugs, which of course has me in a state of hyper OCD anxiety, and also makes me incredibly angry at myself for not keeping things clean enough in the first place. (What kind of OCD-er can't keep things clean?!)

As with any big clean, I have been coming across the various scraps and notes that I am always accumulating. The various thoughts, memories, ideas, wishes, things to look up, etc., that pop into my head throughout the day. I need to write them down so as not to forget them, but I invariably forget them anyway as those scraps of paper go unnoticed collecting dust (and bugs!) in a corner. So I have started a Word doc to collect these bits from my brain, and one of them was the phrase, "Here was a life."

I have enjoyed many things this year (see list below). But even so, it has felt like a particularly bad year, in terms of my depression and OCD and my general outlook about my life. No matter what trips I take, new things I try, fun outings I have with friends, there is this constant feeling that it's not enough to equal a full life. And I need to be doing something else, something more, something different so that when I am gone, someone can look at what I've left behind and say, "Here was a life." This kind of thinking does nothing to help my mental health, though, and what I really should be doing is focusing on the good things and the things that I have already done, rather than the things I haven't. MUCH easier said than done of course. But here is a first attempt:

Fun Things I Have Done This Year, or Just Things I Have Done:
Mini road trip to LA over MLK weekend
Got back in touch with a friend I hadn't seen in 8 years
Attended a celebrity comedy show, and met my favorite actor, Jason Segel
Finally saw a concert at Bimbo's (Super Diamond)
Saw Dave Rawlings and Gillian Welch at the Fillmore
Joined in a girls' weekend in Santa Cruz
Traveled to Europe for 2 weeks by myself, which included:
--Visiting 2 countries I'd never been to
--Meeting new people and staying in their houses
--Going to a foreign town a finding a place to stay after I got there
--Going to cafes and bars by myself and enjoying conversations with strangers
Followed through with regular therapy sessions
Lots of fun nights out and a revived friendship
Participated in an employee art show at work (received compliments on my photos)
Sat in the club seats for several Giants games this season
Went to a wedding and a fun reception with lots of old high school friends
Went to a Stiff Little Fingers concert with my sister and 16-year-old nephew
Let same nephew drive my car
Went to a roller derby
Went to a movie with strangers; went to several movies by myself; saw ET on the big screen; went to LOST finale party at a new (for me) theater, the Lark
Mini road trip to Santa Barbara for 4th of July weekend and stopped at Pea Soup Andersens on my way back, just to finally stop there
Went to a CD release party for a local musician
Various other new experiences, such as eating at new restaurants (A Cote in Oakland, the Ramp in San Francisco), going to a play at the SF Playhouse